


Heroism Comes with Vileness

by charliebradcherry



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Childhood Memories, Episode Re-Write, Episode: s05e22 Swan Song, Flashbacks, High School Student Sam, M/M, Protective Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-07-16 02:29:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7248463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charliebradcherry/pseuds/charliebradcherry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucifer takes a peek in Sam’s noodle and rummages through memories. Surprisingly, he finds out that Sam did more or less feel compassionate towards him when he was younger.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heroism Comes with Vileness

**Author's Note:**

> So this was a prompt that an anon had sent me three months ago:
> 
>  
> 
> _Kinda Pre-Samifer. Teenage Sam is doing research on angels out of curiosity, and he discovers that the story of Lucifer seems to be much more tragic than he used to think...and he seems to have something in common with the fallen angel._
> 
>  
> 
> I had written the first part, but forgot to do the next one for some reason, so I'm gonna just post it here in reminder. Don't expect me to update the next part soon because I might not get to it just yet. I've got a Big Bang to finish but it's going to be short. Enjoy this part to begin with!
> 
> Tumblr: charlie-bradcherry.tumblr.com

"Sam. Come on. I can feel you...scratching away in there." Lucifer says encouragingly as he stares in the mirror with a small smile poking his lips, "Look, I'll take the gag off, okay? You got me all wrong, kiddo. I'm not the bad guy here."

The reflection in the mirror scowls at him, "I'm gonna rip you apart from the inside out. Do you understand me?"

Lucifer softly chuckles and shakes his head, "Such anger, Young Skywalker. Who are you really angry with? Me? Or that face in the mirror?"

Sam knows it's over, and there's really not much he can do anymore at this point. He's failed. _Everything_. All that remains is gonna be shredded to bits of nothingness soon. Hope is lost, and he can't even feel the ache in his heart even though he's sure Lucifer is. He's also not entirely sure why he's even talking with the bastard that's going to initiate the apocalypse.

"I'm sure this is all a big joke to you, huh?"

"Not at all. I've been waiting for you for a long, long time." Lucifer explains, turning away from the mirror to study the decrepit walls of the location. " Come on, Sam. You have to admit -- you can feel it, right?"

Sam, locked as a reflection behind a mirror, tilts his head in confusion, "What?"

"The exhilaration. And you know why that is?" The archangel turns, focusing back onto Sam, "Because we're two halves made whole." he steps foreward, "M.F.E.O. Literally."

"This feels pretty damn _far_ from good."

Lucifer doesn't say anything this time much to Sam's surprise. Instead, he closes his eyes and inhales sharply, tilts his head back as he rummages through old memories of his vessel.

 

* * *

 

There were more than a thousand, but only a single out of them all was going to be one. Sam had no clue what to do, which one to choose, _how_ to choose out of so many. The first thing that popped in his mind was to ask his teacher for any sort of helpful advice, anything that could make the fog that remained in his head disappear and make him see more clear.

"Take a look in the library, Sam." she said with a sympathic smile, leaning against her desk, "I'm sure you'll find an encyclopedia of angels lying there somewhere. Someone from the other class borrowed one a while ago, but he must've brought it back after he finished the test. You'll have to pick one out of many, but don't worry about not finding him. It's only natural for you to take your time, but just don't give up, 'cause he's there and he's patiently waiting for you to find him and possibly take interest into his story."

Something inside of the student changed - perhaps it was the way his heart that thumped a substantial amount of ticks an hour, or the sort of light that ignited into both his eyes, the spark of hope that he felt climbing up a hill and send a shiver down his spine. But it didn't matter, it really didn't. What _did_ matter, was how much time he was wasting just standing there like an absolute fool, beaming like an idiot at his teacher ever so gratefully which was not much of a help. But soon enough, he crossed the classroom to grab his schoolbag and hastened out of there.

Numberous students shot Sam some curious stares when he shuffled down the corridor, trying to fit through the tough crowd that blocked his passage. He was forced to shove some random teenagers out of the way in order to get past them, which he mumbled some quiet apologies to once they fired some vulgar cusses in defense. Well, what else was he supposed to do? The school's library was closing in an hour, and he only had so much time to hunt through every shelve of the area to retrieve the information he required in order to ace his test. He couldn't fail this one, not with such an engrossing subject he certainly was attached to.

Sam was a giant nerd and had read tons of books in the past about theology, too many to count frankly. The concepts of mythology intrigued him dearly, because putting his nose in a book of Ancient Greeks and Roman religion and deities encouraged him to write about it in his journal that consister of ideas for characters he came up with, true heroes. His father wasn't too fond of his work and rather preferred that he stopped and proceeded on focusing in school instead, unlike Dean who took a peek into his stuff once in a while and told Sam that 'this shit is too cool'.

Of course, Sam was pretty upset with the fact that his creativity is being called 'a waste' but he couldn't stop and he wasn't going to, although he really wanted to please his father. He was already doing an excellent job in school.

Walking into the library, it felt more serene and comfortable. One of the many places that Sam liked to quest for inspiration. A few people were rummaging through books in every corner and behind every bookcase, willing to be rather left alone than to be found and sought for endless tranquillity. This was a social free zone, pretty much. Interaction only happened on rare occasions there.

Sam cautiously eyed every book that he came across when he sluggishly wandered down one of the many aisles. It took him quite a while to make sure he hadn't missed any of the books titles and checked a second time, but unfortunately, nothing. The book that his teacher recommended him wasn't present. Perhaps someone else got here before him?

"Hey, Sambo!" Someone yelled which caused Sam to wince and swiftly spin around to take a look at who was calling him.

"May?" he asked, unsure.

The short girl with the black streaks in her curly blonde hair rolled her eyes and chuckled, shaking her head as she approached him, "Who else, you silly."

"This is a library. You shouldn't be shouting your heart out just to see me."

"Too bad." May winked to which she received a small laugh, "So, have you thought about which angel you'll presentate next week?"

Sam couldn't lie, even though he really didn't want to seem like a lazy butt because he honestly wasn't. All of his classmates had already found their victim, whereas Sam was sulking in the background, kicking his foot awkwardly into the ground and praying to god that no one asks him which angel he chose.

"Well, not yet—but I will," he muttered nervously, clearing his throat and rackling the back of his neck, " _Soon_."

May grinned, "Cool."

"What about you, though?"

"Oh, me? I already got my angel." She smiled proudly as if she had been waiting for that question, and before Sam could open his mouth and say something, she recklessly threw her bag on the ground and bent down to look for something inside.  He turned around to check if nobody was watching, and smiled embarrassingly wide in apology at those who were glaring their way.

_If only she could keep her damned mouth shut for just a second..._

"...and I'm like ninenty-nine procent sure that I took it with me before going to school but I can't...seem...to find it, god I really do hope..." she kept on rambling and Sam wanted to rip his hair out, but startled when her voice suddenly increased in volume blasted through the whole bibliothecal area, 

"Got it!"

" _May._ "

"Hey could you two keep it quiet in there?" Some random person whisper-yelled from behind a bookcase.

May looked up, her smile fading away in a split second. A scowl etched over her face as she stood up with a book that she held in one arm.

"How about you shut up, leave us alone  and continue reading your House of Night series, huh?" she hollered and huffed, raising her nose, "Seriously, how much more of a bad taste can you get?"

Sam thanked the lord when it seemed that the guy decided wisely that he'd keep his mouth shut and not reply back which would only have been a very impulsive idea. He just shook his head and left.

"That's what I thought," May smirked and pulled a piece of hair behind her ear before fully drawing her attention back to Sam, "Anyway, I found it." she said casually, flipping the book open and began consulting. Sam stepped forewards until he was next to her, and leaned closer and over her shoulder to see which one she was looking for. Page by page, she read the name which, in all honesty, drove Sam up a wall. But after a few minutes of hell torture at it's best, she stopped at one in particular.

Sam frowned when he examined the name from a closer look, "Ambriel?"

"Yup. She's the angel associated with the zodiac sign of Gemini. She helps all those who are born in May, which is how you can guess why I picked her."

"Ah. Well, yeah. Now that you mentioned it."

"You know, maybe it could be a better use for you," she said, holding the book out for him, "I mean, I already finished half of my essay for our presentation due next week and it seems like you need this more than me right now." It took a while for Sam to react and take it with a smile of gratisfaction. "It's a very interesting and informative book, will be everything you need really. Index is filled with names from A to Z, two page long description about each angel and everything. So better get ready to work your ass off!"

That was that. Sam didn't like the idea of reading a book with over two hundred pages in one week just to find one particular story that would captivate his heart and deserve all his attention for an essay, but he was going to do it nonetheless. He thanked his friend for being so kind and sharing, and left the library before school itself closed.

The next morning, Dean found Sam lying half sprawled over his bed, book dangling over the edge and ready to fall off. He just shook his head and smiled before waking him up and telling him that he and dad were leaving for a hunting trip in Ohio, and that there was still a little bit of mashed patatoes left in the fridge that he could eat. He promised that he'd come back with better stuff next time, but Sam didn't mind; he just yawned and nodded in response.

Since it was weekend, Sam decided that there was nothing fun to do, so continuing to read where he left  himself at last night was maybe the best idea he could come up with. And the next two hours he flipped through multiple pages and descriptions for a story that could possibly catch his interest, but sadly no luck. He had gone through at least fifteen of them, and frankly, they were all rubbish and uninteresting.

Moving on to plan A; calling his friends. First person in his contact list was Patrick. Practically equal to Sam in mentality and personality, a huge nerd who wore huge round glasses that kinda made him look like Harry Potter. He drooled all over the place when he talked, which was aggravating a lot of students in class, but he was a nice dude overall and that's all you'll ever need to be to gain Sam's approval.

"I honestly would love to help you, Sam. But it's really just a question of good luck." Patrick explained (most likely spitting right into the phone while doing it), "Continue working on it buddy, that's all I can say. Eventually you'll get 'em right where you want him!"

Sam sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. That was nothing near helpful. But giving up was no option, so his next call was May who seemed to be a little more useful than Patrick.

"Don't worry, Sambo. It took a while for me to find mine, too." she admitted reassuringly, "But patience is virtue, and it's the only thing you need. Don't expect to fall onto one in a less than a minute, trust me that's not how it works. Just read through every description very carefully—or, now that I think about it, you could ask someone with a little more knowledge about the topic?"

That set up plan B for Sam, which was to ask his religious neighbor Martha for assistance, to see if she knew anything that could finally set him straight and on the right path. He wasn't really allowed to get out of the house on weekends when Dean and dad were out hunting, unless he had to go to school—but hey, this was for research.

When Sam ventured in on her territory, he paused mid-way when he recognized her small figure from afar. She seemed to be busy watering her plants in the backyard while joyously humming a song. Martha at least watered them three times a day, if not five times maximum, even when it was raining outside. Sometimes Sam wondered if she'd be that balsy to go outside and take care of her garden if there was ever a house fire. He wouldn't be surprised, needless to say.

"Martha!" He shouted, and it took him a few tries for her to hear him. Well, what can you say? That's what age does to ya.

At the fourth attempt at trying to call her out, he was utterly desperate to spin his heels and walk back home, but fortunately for him she had heard his voice this time, and her eyes met his' from such a far distance. She dropped her hose in the grass and waved, making him furrow his eyebrows and laugh a bit at how ludicrous she looked.

A few minutes later, she invited him inside of her house, and made some tea. He really didn't intend on staying longer than ten minutes, but of course with Martha you don't expect to stay less than ten minutes. In fact, she'll keep you around until dawn to tell you stories from 'those old days back when I was a young lady' which, to Sam, really would make you want to tangle your fingers into your hair and scream or just strangle yourself. She was talkative and enthusiastic, but exasperating and exhausting if Sam had to be openly honest.

"I came to ask you for advice."

"Oh dear, but of course!" she smiled heart-warmingly and sat down from across where Sam was and placed the two cups of tea down along with a plate of cookies that she must've baked herself, "What kind of advice may I ask?"

"Well, you see..." Sam thought for a moment on how to explain himself, "I have to do this presentation concerning the celestial beings in Heaven for school, but we're not assigned to one since the legimate intention is for us to find one ourselves. A majority of my classmates have succesfully created their draft already, and I'm still not sure which angel to write an essay about and present. So I was wondering if you could help me with this, if you do not mind that is."

"Not at all," she encouraged, "You know that you can always count on me when you are curious about religion."

Sam simpered and nodded, "Yes."

"So tell me, young man. What would you like to know?"

It took a few seconds for him to say anything. How was he supposed to compose the right question to ask? Sam bit his lip and leaned over the table, elbow resting under his weight, "I was wondering if you could give me some information on these mythical creatures, and a few...names. Generally famous ones. Doesn't matter how complex the story is, it just needs to be overall good and interesting to talk about." he described. The elder woman suddenly beamed with joy again, the crinkles by her eyes showing.

"Are you ready for a long session?"

"Oh boy, heck yeah."

For once, the conversation Sam held with his neighbor didn't turn out to be as tiring as it usually was. Actually, strangely enough, reading the two-hundred paged book that May had handed him seemed to be rather much more boring and exhausting than listening to Martha lecturing him about angels. She told him that they were God's first crafted beings, and helped him expand the universe to something endless and magnificent.

Even though that wasn't exactly what Sam was looking for on his presentaion, he still leaned the side of his face against his palm, his features brightening in absolute awe. But then came a part, that made him curious.

"Oh, and then the incident with the Darkness." she pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs, and Sam mentally screamed at her for being so damn slow and not just yell it out if she had to, "That one incident was millennias ago. That was a catastrophic trajedy."

 _Well, if you don't mind sharing the story and elaborate, I would like to know what happened exactly_ seemed far too rude for Sam to say, so he came up with something more coherent and simply responded with "What happened exactly?"

"The darkness, God's sister. A primordial being that was exiled." she said, "Our angels play a big role in that story, sweetheart. Archangels to be more specific."

Sam mouthed the word 'archangel' like he had never heard of the term before, and if he didn't look like an absolute dumbass...

"Archangels, you say."

"Archangels." she repeated with a curt nod, closing her eyes all lady-like as she took another sip from her hot tea. Sam was into deep thoughts afterwards, a finger rubbing over his jaw thoughtfully as his eyes were firmly fixed to the table. She opened one eye whilst he wasn't looking, the edges of her lips twitching up into a sly smile. "Interested?"

"I would like to imagine so, yes." Sam chuckled as he realized how long he was out of focus, "Who are these 'archangels' and what makes them so special in this story?"

"Well, let's just say that these archangels are heroes. If you could imagine a comic books with four super heroes that are destined to conquer the evil, it's pretty much the most accurate and comparable thing you'll ever get." she said, "Four of them. Michael, the eldest who was assigned as duty to guide the flock by his Father. Raphael, the one who stood by his side. Gabriel, the youngest one of them all, the messenger. And finally, Lucifer, the brother who rebelled, the light bearer."

" _Lucifer_." Sam said, which, if you listened to the tone he used, sounded more like a question. "Like, the devil—Satan, the one who refused to bow down before humanity, right?"

"The one and only." she affirmed.

"But he isn't a hero," Sam said like he knew better, making a random gesture, "I mean, the guy's done some pretty bad stuff."

It kind of surprised him that even after how joyously she sung in the back of her garden, she could easily just scold you down with a glare of absolute death like a lion keeping track of its prey for saying one thing that severely displeased her. He hadn't said anything wrong, at least that's what Sam thought. Lucifer was, according to the bible, the Father of Lies. In other words; a mischievous, sly and sadistic dick.

"Not even anything near that—" she paused mid-sentence and realized something before sighing, "...back in the time." and when Sam shot her another dazzled look, she continued, "Lucifer was supposedly God's most trusted archangel. He was beautiful, bright, loyal, proud and definitely the bravest of all four. During the period of attempting to seal the Darkness, Lucifer had to sacrifice himself for a powerful mark—which he did, if it meant that they could defeat her and his Father would keep his trust in him. Once they got her pinned down and locked away, Lucifer was never the same. He became...dark, and each feather of his wings he owned that was once bright white, died with his loyalty and fell."

"And because of the influence of the mark, which I assume is the lock of the cage, he was not willing to obey God." Sam continued, in deep thoughts, finally getting the hang of the situation. She gave him nothing more but a silent hum in approval. "So, essentially this all connects back to his Father. Lucifer...he is a hero."

"Was." she corrected him.

Sam shook his head and laughed, "No, no, no. He still is." he argued back kindly before standing up from his seat, fingers pressed into the table. He squinted his eyes, focused on nothing but his own thoughts, "I can prove it, hell, I can prove my class—my teacher the definition of a true hero." he kept on rambling and removed himself from where he stood, mumbling some inaudible words to himself while putting on his jacket and fumbling with the buttons, before grabbing her hand in his' with a genuine grateful smile. "Thank you, Martha."

It was almost as if time was such a big deal, and she never got to chance to say 'you're welcome' back, but she didn't really mind. Instead, she watched him rush to the exit door like a fool who was going to be late at work. "Sam." she called out, making him spin around, and she couldn't hold back a smile, "I think you found your angel."

That's where it all started. From zero to ten; from Sam being extremely desperate for help to Sam being an enthusiastic child on Christmas day waiting for Santa to come around and bring him presents. But it wasn't Christmas, nor was he looking forward to that. He was looking forward to read everything about Lucifer's background, and where it all started, who he really was behind that hatred and vileness everyone claimed him to be, or at least, like it was written in the bible to the point where he'd know everything by heart and didn't even need to write his presentation down so that he wouldn't forget.

On Monday, he was determined to tell Patrick, Jessica and Ashley that he had found his victim, which made them all question him simultaneously—until he said the name, and they turned quiet as if a shark bit off their tongues. Silence. They blinked and shared glances for a few seconds before they all three turned back to look at Sam.

"Lucifer." Ashley said in disbelief.

"Yes."

"Are we talkin' the famous devil who despised our kind for no apparent reason?" Sam lifted his finger to object, but she cut him off, "I mean, I get it. He's pretty badass and all, but - this is a serious presentation, Sam. Are you really going to talk about what for a monster he was? Reanact a scene of how Lucifer roared in anger when he was cast down?"

"Leave him be, Ash." Jessica fired defensively, "He chose wisely. Lucifer is definitely interesting."

Sam sort of frowned, "Yes, he's interesting, thank you." he gave a small nod in Jessica's direction before turning to glare in Ashley's, "And no, he's not a monster. Before you talk non-sense, be useful and put your nose into a book instead of letting your eyes follow every dude's ass around here, read the story of a soldier who loved his family so much that he was forced to become the opposite of his true personality in order to fight and save the ones he loved. And as far as I'm concerned, there's only one that catches my interest."

"Oh, gee, chill bro!" Ashley snapped back and rolled her eyes when he stood up to leave their table. "I didn't mean to turn this discussion into a fight. Angels are mythical creatures, no need to be so defensive over them."

"Mythical or not, I am presenting him and nothing is stopping me from proving what is right." Sam glowered before walking to the exit doors of the canteen and towards the library to deposit his encyclopedia.

The more Sam spent his time reading in the library about Lucifer, the more immersed he became. It came to a point where he lost time and fell asleep with his head on the table and his butt sticking out on his chair. And when the owner found him, she more or less shooed him out after he tried to explain himself.


End file.
